Writing to describe
WALT : Use a range of figurative language to describe a moment in time.
Thrashing Thunder
It was very dark but the lightning kept the sky bright. The lightning in the sky was as bright as the sun. The lightning and thunder struck in the sky and it looked like an electrical hazard. Lightning was dancing in the sky. The thrilling twisted thunder thrashed in the sky.
In the sky the lightning and thunder was as loud as a Lions roar. The air smelt like damp rain, as well as cold air. The air was freezing, while the thunder and lightning struck. The lightning struck a million times. The clouds in the sky were forming as one, as the lightning kept on appearing.
The lightning was crashing and bucketing down in the midnight sky. The thunders thrashing threaded through the sky. The damp air felt like a cold winter's day on your face. The lightning was as fresh as a daisy when it came from the sky.
As a result of all the thunder crashing down from the dark night sky it stopped like a flash. The thunder and lightning was going on forever, then it was over in less than a second.
Hey there Mikaela it's Kurtis I would just like to say great work on your story I think it is amazing. I really like the way you used a simile."The lightning in the sky was as bright as the sun" What I think you could do next time is add a concluding sentence in your work. keep up the amazing work I think you have a big talent in your writing.
ReplyDeleteHi Kurtis,
DeleteThank you for your comment and the positive feedback. I will add in a concluding sentence in my piece of writing.
Hi Mikaela! Your piece of writing was detailed! I like the way how you used vocabulary such as thrilling and electrical hazard to hook your reader in. Maybe next time you can add something you found hard, enjoyable and what you need to work on next so your readers, like me can give you more feedback! Other than that your writing was really good! Keep up the good work Mikaela!
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